The Talk

I remember it so clearly. I felt like the most heartless person in the world. Don knew something was wrong that morning when I chose to talk with him. I had finally built up the gall to break his heart. I told him how I honestly felt...that I just could not see forever with him. I felt as if we had jumped into this relationship and I was just not ready to settle down this soon after my divorce. I knew I needed to date more people and learn more about what I wanted. I knew that Don was going to be upset, what I didn't know was how upset he would be. He began literally sobbing. I did not know what to do. I had already made my decision and there was no going back. The fact that he was crying was not going to change my mind.

He was begging and pleading with me. I don't know if he was more upset about being without me or about the fact that he was realizing that he had nowhere to go and no vehicle to go in. I told him that he did need to leave the house but that he could use my vehicle for a week until he found something else. The funny thing was, he was doing all of the crying and I did not shed a tear. This served as definite closure to me on the fact that he was NOT the right person for me. I was honestly just ready for him to leave so I could start to move on with my life. 

He packed up his belongings, loaded them into the truck and left. I felt nothing but relief. I had dealt with his depression and mopey ways long enough. I was ready to be happy. I thought that after I got my truck back I would be completely done with him. I was absolutely wrong about that. He did not let it go. He started out just calling and asking me to please try again. I told him that I was done. I thought this was probably pretty normal for any break-up. I imagined that after a few weeks of me telling him "no" that this would end. 

It only got worse. Don turned in to full-blown crazy stalker. Several times he showed up in the same place that I was. I caught him following me more than once. He even went as far as getting a storage unit in the same building as me. He would call or text me continuously trying to get me to meet up with him or go eat or just talk to him. It was really unacceptable and somewhat scary the way he was behaving. No rational person should ever behave in this manner. It was beginning to make me feel very uncomfortable. One night he texted me to ask me if he could pick up my dog and take him for a few hours to play!! I told him that ABSOLUTELY would NEVER happen. I think that he was crazy enough that he would have held my dog hostage until I spoke to him again. This behavior went on for weeks, months and…get ready for it…almost 2 years after I broke up with him!!!

It finally got to the point that I had to get REALLY nasty with him and tell him exactly like it was. I told him flat out that he never meant anything to me, he was nothing but a rebound and that he would never have a chance with me. I felt horrible for being so nasty but I felt that if I was harsh with him he might at least get the point and leave me alone. He still called a few more times after that. There was even an instance where he posted my picture to his Facebook page in an effort to harass me. When I finally realized that he was not going to stop I threatened him with legal action. This seemed to work. I have not heard anything from him since…although it has not been long enough that I am positive he has completely disappeared :)

My Takeaways from Don:
* It is absolutely OK and good to have a rebound after you come out of a divorce or a long-term relationship. These relationships are good for you to put everything into perspective and to realize what it is that you want. I believe that you have to have this "rebound" relationship to be able to completely heal and get on the right path to dating again.
* When a man begins showing signs that he depends too much on you financially or emotionally, it is time to run for the hills!! It is always nice to feel wanted or needed but there is a fine line between that and being taken advantage of. I had to determine where that line was and once I realized that it had been crossed I knew it was time to end it and move on.
* It takes a while to truly get to know someone. In the beginning I felt that everything was wonderful with Don. Once we got to know each other better and I learned how he dealt with stress, I learned that he was not the type of man I wanted to be with. Plus, after the break-up he showed his true colors and I saw how crazy he really was.
* Don't introduce someone to your family too quickly…everyone gets attached and emotionally involved and it makes the entire situation more complicated. This probably seems like a basic take-away but it was a new concept to me because I was so new at this.

Oh well...I was happier and much better off without him!! I was definitely due a little "me time" after that one. Maybe I could fit the next guy in there somewhere.