The Challenge

Over the next several weeks, Andy and I began spending more time together. We went on at least one date each week and we would get together and watch a movie or hang out casually in between our dates during the week. We were having a lot of fun together. He was a good guy, we had fun together and we both seemed interested in each other. There was one thing that seemed to be missing though. We had hardly kissed each other!! Every time we would kiss it was like he was intimidated or scared or something and all I would get was a peck on the lips. It was the equivalent of how he would kiss his grandmother!!

I tried to be patient. I kept telling myself that maybe he just liked to move slower than most men and that this was not a bad thing! I mean really…let's think back here…he could have been dancing naked in my living room on the first date! This had to be better than that. I just had to let him move at his own pace and take things as they happened.

Finally we got to his birthday weekend. We had been seeing each other for over a month and that boy had still not even opened his mouth when he kissed me!! This was going nowhere and I was beginning to get frustrated! There were times when I started to question if he might even be gay. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I told him that I was going to take him out for his birthday. Since we had only been seeing each other a month, I decided a gift was not necessary but I could at least spring for his dinner.

I met him at his house, with a cupcake and a card in hand. Still nothing…just a hug and a little peck on the lips. I was going to be patient…we were going to have a good dinner (with lots of wine) and then I was going to put the moves on him. This had become somewhat of a challenge for me.

We went to dinner, had wine, came back to his place and still nothing. I couldn't take it anymore. I leaned over and gave him a good long birthday kiss! It was the most awkward kiss I have every had. He was like a little pony just learning to walk and I felt like a dirty old woman for making him kiss me. I felt like I had taken advantage of him. I had never in my life experienced a situation like this and all I wanted to do was get the hell out and not deal with him or his awkwardness anymore. I had had enough! Maybe he was scared, maybe he was gay, but I couldn't devote anymore of my time to letting him figure it out!!

I remember leaving his house driving home thinking that this must be what a guy feels like when they are frustrated with a woman because she wants to take things slow. TOTAL ROLE REVERSAL!

Needless to say…I did not go on anymore dates with Andy. That was the night that I realized that we were definitely not compatible and we did not have the chemistry that was needed to sustain a relationship…or at least the chemistry that I needed to sustain a relationship. We did talk a few more times afterwards but I told him that I just could not see it going anywhere beyond where we were now. He was a great guy but definitely not the guy for me.

My Take-Away's From Andy:
*If you have not kissed someone (and I mean REALLY kissed someone) by the second date, it is probably never going to go anywhere because that chemistry just simply is not there. Chemistry between two people is undeniable when it is there and it should be there from the moment you meet.
*You can't have a relationship without chemistry. A relationship without chemistry is a friendship and that's what I would have had with Andy. I am not looking for a friend, I am looking for a husband and someone to spend my life with. I cannot settle just because someone is a good guy.
*I'm not truly a dirty old woman…I just had to figure out for myself what was going on with him…but now it is clear that it never would have gone anywhere ;)

Andy's First Date

Andy called and he seemed like a really nice guy from the first conversation that we had. Not only was he nice, he was a guy who had goals. He was an engineer and he was planning to go back to dental school within the next 2 years.

I was really intrigued by the fact that he was someone with a little ambition. We talked for about a week and then we decided to go out on a date. We went to a local restaurant for dinner and wine. When I saw him for the first time I remember thinking he was really cute! He was a little shorter than I would normally go for but I wasn't going to let that bother me. We had such a nice time just relaxing and talking to each other.

We shared our "divorce stories" with each other and both got a good laugh out of it. He was actually the first man that I had dated that had been divorced so it was nice to have someone who could relate to what I had been through. I had never realized how nice it would be to have that in common with someone until I sat down and talked with someone about it and they could ACTUALLY relate.

So far, Andy was getting lots of pluses for this date. He was cute, he liked wine and he could relate to my stories. I was excited that this might actually be a good thing. 

We stayed at the restaurant for quite awhile just spending time getting to know each other better. I felt really good about where things were going and I was looking forward to spending more time getting to know Andy. He asked me if I was interested in going out on another date with him and I was very excited to say yes! 

I had hoped that since we had already decided that we would be seeing each other again that the night would have ended with a kiss. I didn't :( Just a hug and a plan to see each other again. It was fine. I just was a little disappointed because I wanted to know if that attraction was there. I didn't get too worried about it. I figured there was always the second date. I was ready to get to know this guy. He seemed like he was going to be a good one!!