Now that I have the benefit of hindsight, I can look back on my relationship with Don and see what were definite red flags in our relationship. The first huge red flag was that he was not very different from my ex-husband in the fact that he took advantage of what I had to offer financially.
In the beginning of our relationship, I mentioned previously that Don started staying over at my house every night. What I didn't mention is that he quickly started accumulating his stuff at my house and before I knew if he had basically moved in with me. He still received mail at his old place that he rented but he had literally begun to move furniture in to my house. I never put a stop to this because at the time I felt like I was in love with him and I was honestly just happy to have companionship again. Even though he was living with me, he never offered to pay any of the utility bills (which he evenly consumed) or contribute to my mortgage. He did pay for groceries though which I was grateful for because that in itself was more than I ever got out of my ex-husband.
Then, there was the issue of the truck. Yes…the infamous truck that had been a pain in my ass since my separation from my husband. Don had the idea that he would drive the truck once a week, just to keep it running and on the road, until I was able to sell it. At first I thought this was a great idea because no vehicle needs to sit without being run for months on end and I had no idea when I would be able to ever sell it. Well, one day a week turned in to two which turned in to every other day and before I knew it Don had come to me and suggested that he was going to sell his vehicle and drive my truck until he found another. He did offer to pay me while he used it which was more generous than I expected him to be. Once again, I was compassionate…and STUPID…and I told him that was fine.
Weeks passed and it became apparent that he was not going to buy another vehicle. This really began to annoy me because I felt like he was putting miles on a vehicle that I was trying to sell. However, I let things go because at this point in my life I was still quite damaged and I did not have much of a backbone…nor did I really care.
Don and I took several vacations together. Most of which were in some way or another paid for by me or my family. Whether we were using my hotel points from traveling with work, going on a family vacation with my parents or on a work trip with my job, everything was initiated and provided for by me. As I said previously, these are all things that I can see clearly now but when I was in the situation I just went with it because I really cared about the guy.
When we went to the beach with my dad's entire side of the family, he won over my family. Everyone loved him…check. When we went on my work trip I felt as if he fit in well with my co-workers…check. When I went with him to one of his best friends weddings I had a great time with his college friends…check. So why get upset about the fact that I am providing all of this entertainment when we are having such a great time?!?
I honestly would have looked past all of these red flags and dated Don for a very long time. I felt like he was the one for me and I thought I was happy. The only thing was I quickly was about to realize how unhappy I was…and I didn't need hindsight to show me!
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