You know that feeling you get when something just isn't right? The feeling that you get when you know everything just isn't as it should be but you just go with it anyway because that's what you think you are supposed to do? That was me in January of 2009. It was my wedding day and instead of being excited and over the moon about the man I was going to marry, I had crazy thoughts going through my head…"Will he be at the church when I get there?", "Will he back out in front of everyone and leave me at the alter?", "Will he actually go through with this?" These are definitely not NORMAL thoughts for any bride to have on her wedding day. Looking back on this I should have kicked off my 4 inch heels and run as fast as I could in the other direction. But, I loved this man. Oh did I love him! And, we had planned a wedding and a future together so how could I even think to ruin that.
We got married. The wedding was beautiful. We had a GREAT trip to Hawaii for our honeymoon and that's about where the fun ended. About 4 months into our marriage my husband decided to quit his stable job, with a stable income, and start his own business. You notice I said "my husband decided"…this was nothing that we discussed as a married couple. This caused a financial strain in our marriage as he depended on my income to support us and he took on lots of debt to begin his business.
At the 2 year mark in our marriage I took a new position in my company. This position required more travel. This was something I discussed with him prior to accepting. He agreed. He was ready to start trying to have a baby that January, 2011. I asked him to please give me 6 months to just get my feet wet with my new position. He agreed. By the end of February our marriage was on the rocks. I got no recognition of my birthday and he was out every night "working late"…we all know where this is going. By May he had moved out to "take a break" because he thought a little separation would make us stronger. In June I found out he had been seeing someone else.
I could go in to many more details about the atrocious marriage that only ended up lasting 3 years but that is not the point of this blog. I just felt that it provided a good background for where I've been. My marriage consisted of emotional, verbal and at times minor physical abuse. It is something that I have learned more from than anything else I've ever experienced and I can say that it definitely made me the woman that I am today!
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