Not All Small Things Are Cute

After we finished with our wine and watching TV I was ready for bed. That's when Jed decided to make his first move. He went in to kiss me. Since I had consumed a good bit of alcohol I thought one kiss couldn't hurt anything. One kiss and that was it…I was going to bed and so was he. Well, of course that is not what happened. He was relentless in his pushing. His goal was to go much further than kissing. I had stopped things before they got too carried away.

By this point I knew that it was time for him to go upstairs to his bedroom and for me to go to mine. I showed him where everything was upstairs and then went back downstairs thinking that I had avoided all of the awkwardness for the night. As I was cleaning up the house, he decided to make one final appearance downstairs…the grand finale, if you will…this time in nothing but his birthday suit! He stood there in all of his glory, as proud as he could be and said "Hey baby! Is it big enough for you??" I was so shocked and horrified that I didn't know what to do! All of that aside, all I could do was stare…and let me tell you, there is a reason this man is single! Two words…MICRO PENIS!

It was like that scene from The Hangover when the Asian man jumps naked out of the trunk! All I could think of was how incredibly small his penis was, how out of shape he truly was without a shirt on and how tan he was for winter! It was HORRENDOUS! I was so uncomfortable, weirded-out, and amazed at the same time! I could not believe what I was seeing right in the middle of my living room! I immediately coaxed him back upstairs, went to my room, locked my door and cried because this is what my life had become! The rest of the night was quiet.

The following morning it was stormy. As soon as I woke up, I smelled the wonderful scent of burning sausage. I could hear someone in the kitchen. I immediately jumped out of bed to see what in the world was going on. As soon as I opened the door there it was AGAIN! A naked man…this time in my apron cooking breakfast! Please just stop for a minute and picture it…I open my bedroom door and the first thing I'm greeted by is a tanned ass with MY KITCHEN APRON tied around it! What did he think he was going to accomplish? My kitchen was full of smoke from the burnt sausage and I was not happy. I told him it was time for him to go. I had reached the breaking point with this visit. He went upstairs, packed up his 2 duffel bags and was on his way. One would think after the previous nights and mornings events he would just bow out, cut his losses and move on…oh no my friends! That was not the case! Not in the least!